Saturday, December 31, 2005


I am afraid(of what will happenof the rhetoricof the silenceof not knowing).I am afraid I don't know what to contribute.
I am afraid(of destructionof waitingof doing nothingof adding fuel to the flames).I am afraid I don't have any answers.
I am afraid(of trivializingor propagandizingof marginsof error).I am afraid it is but a meager thing to adda verse adverse to war.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Can't You See? Don't You Care

Can't you see? Don't you careI want to die?Don't you listen? Can't you hearMy silent cry?
Won't you turn? Can't you holdMe to your heart?Are you afraid of what might followOnce you start?
Would you rather not believeI'm in such painThat all your sense and good adviceMust be in vain?
Would you rather tell yourselfI'll be OK,And all this adolescent angstWill go away?
Ah! Would I also swim acrossThis lake alone!But if you cannot swim with me,I know I'll drown.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005


I have been spinning music from Paul Oakenfold recently and the track I love most is called called Ready Steady Go this track is the one that perks me up in the morning. I am currency staying alone, as I have to live with a very regimental mother. I have to come home before 10 o’clock, always wakes me up with a hash tone etc… .All in all she is very hard to please and will never be happy with me no matter what I do.

P/s I am very scattered in my writing as you can see. It is due to my drug binge , and not sleeping for days.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Erimin 5 Reminiscences

This is the front of the wrapping. It has perforated edges, which suggests it's part of a larger set of similar pills. The color of the front is red and there is a "5", the logo that looks like a four leaved clover/square cross, and "028" in BLACK font near the bottom of the wrapping. It's not visible in this picture.

The back of the wrapping is silver in color with the "5", the logo that looks like a four leaved clover/square cross, and "028" in RED font.The back of the wrapping is silver in color with the "5", the logo that looks like a four leaved clover/square cross, and "028" in RED font.The back of the wrapping is silver in color with the "5", the logo that looks like a four leaved clover/square cross, and "028" in RED font.The front of the pill has a "5" imprinted and is a pink-ish color. The pill has beveled edges and no score.

The back of the pill has the logo that looks like a four leaved clover/square cross and "028" imprinted. The pill has beveled edges and no score.

Trip report
Time: 1:50 amMethod of ingestion: Crunched up on a fairly empty stomachTaste: The pill tasted sweet (?) with a slightly bitter aftertaste.
1:55 ama slight benzo feeling...numb fingers, blood rushing to the head/face region
1:28 amsweaty palms, average loss on inhibition as if i've had a couple of drinks
2:05 amhmm...feeling mildly drunk and rather much loss of inhibition. didn't have to think about anything if i didn't want to, much like benzos. slightly floaty.
2:09 ameh, a mild hallucinogen effect when in partial darkness. face morphed slightly and there were mild tracers when i moved my head. higher level cognition is still intact. sounds sound better too, more 3d?
2:14 ampalms and feet sweaty. sounds sounds much louder than in real life. starting to feel somewhat drunk.
2:18 amam i reading too much into it? feels very mildly hallucinogic in relative darkness
2:23 amfeeling very warm - definite rise in body temperature.
2:36 amsmoking felt reallly good. mesmerized by the smoke tendrils from the cigarette. hypnotized by my feet when i took a bath. noticed more attention to detail, like a roll of used toilet paper that was under the door of my toilet. my eyes kept on going to it. brushing my teeth made me notice my hands and toothbrush. closed eyes has a reddish tint. not sure if my pupils are dilated - did look in the mirror, maybe only slightly dilated. afterimages slightly prominent, like when i looked at the monitor and then covered my face with a towel, the afterimage is still there. is that also true when sober? i'll try tomorrow.
3:00 amfeeling rather introspective. quite easily spooked too. :)
3:20 amreturn to baseline? feeling slightly drowsy now. should be able to fall asleep if i want to
4:36 amsorry for the infrequent updates, i could not update as frequently as i wanted due to reasons i won't explain (not drug related). my higher level cognitive skills were intact. i am not at liberty to divulge information too much information but something could have happened and i choose for it not to. btw, this substance started out slightly stimulating and ended up being a downer. feeling sleepy now. my guess is that it's some sort of short acting benzo, but i can't be sure coz there were some interesting qualities that were not benzo like.

Disclaimer :This was taken from a Blog post I came across , and I do not Consume or carry Erimin 5

For those who feel sad today

There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be. That's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. There are times when people disappoint you and let you down, but those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and opinions, and to keep your life focused on believing in yourself and all that you are capable of. There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them. Constantly keep yourself headed in the right directions for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are, and you will also see yourself developing into the person you have always wanted to be. Life is a journey through time, filled with many choices; each of us will experience life in our own special way. So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be, because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the dreams that you know are meant to come true for you.


Saturday, December 24, 2005


Hmm...I'll make this short coz talking about this is depressing in itself. Well, I've been suffering from bouts of depression every few months. Usually, it's tolerable, but sometimes, it comes with anxiety attacks, which makes it somewhat hard to shake off. I had one of those two days ago and went to see a doctor. I was diagnosed with clinical depression (low serotonin levels) and prescribed some Diazepam (Valium). It comes in yellow 5 mg tablets and I was told to take two while talking to the doctor. It did help heaps with the anxiety, and I found that if I think happy thoughts, it helps with the depression too. However, I was hit by some wild ass mood swings when it started to wear off, so I'm not going to take it again. Also, I admit I have an addictive personality so I'll rather stay off benzodiazepines. I haven't taken it since then, I'll rather tough out my depressive episodes instead of relying on pharmaceuticals. Oh well, look on the bright side. At least I have the option of not taking anything and still not kill myself. Some people do not have that luxury and need to take benzos or else they'll become suicidal. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts myself though, and in one major depressive episode, I nearly did it. But I found out that running as fast and as hard as you can until you collapse from exhaustion is a good way to get your mind off things. That and praying. If you still feel suicidal after that, sing (scream) as loud as you can to drown out those thoughts and go somewhere where there are people around. I know that the sheer desperation that occurs during depressive episodes is pretty bad, but I've survived so far. =D Anyway, regarding yesterday's post, I was wondering whether moving to another halls will help. Change of surroundings, you know. We'll see. I'll have to put a happier post on top of this so I don't have to see it when I load my page.
P/S - If you know me in real life, I don't want to talk about this because it makes me depressed. Thanks.

Friday, December 23, 2005


A friend of mine wrote a trip report on DXM and wanted me to post it here. It's pretty entertaining and I don't have anything to post today, so here goes. It should be said that DXM is a dissociative anaesthetic like ketamine and PCP and can cause false positives in tests for PCP. If you're interested in trying this, read the DXM FAQ [] and this article about NMDA Antagonist Neurotoxicity []. The following trip report has been posted in its entirety and without any editing. The author does not want to be named.

I have finished a normal sized dinner at 7 pm. At 9:30 pm I took a 200 ml bottle of Robitussin DX (3mg per 10 ml), which gives me 600 mg. With my body weight of 70 kg, that amount of DXM will push me into the 3rd plateau. This is my first time taking DXM and I did not have a trip sitter with me. As per custom in such cases, I wrote the drug name, amount taken and body weight on my left hand. DXM is not illegal in Australia and most other countries. I have had previous experience with hallucinogens, so I know what to expect. I took copious amounts of LSD when I was 16 and I’ve also taken speed, ecstasy, marijuana recreationally. Contrary to the reports I’ve read, Robitussin DX is not hard to swallow or disgusting in taste. I found it quite sweet and pleasantly acceptable when I chugged the whole bottle down. The texture is surprisingly not cloying and st, but rather smooth and went down without much trouble. The opening of the Robitussin DX bottle was small and not conducive to chugging but I managed to get it down within 5 seconds. I did not have nausea and only had to chase the mixture with a swig of water to clear my mouth of the taste. To provide a safe and comfortable setting, I’ve locked the door to my room and switched off all the lights.
10:30 pm
Felt a slight intoxication with periphery numbness consistent with alcohol. Interestingly, my lips feel slightly numb as well. I feel somewhat sleepy as well, so I’m going to get a diet coke. Caffeine and disassociates do not go well together. It’s a bit hard to go to the toilet when you can’t move now innit? :) I’m having slight trouble recalling events too, I wonder if that’s because I’m sleepy? Slight tingling around the scalp area too, not entirely unpleasant, but it feels a bit weird. Slight nausea and dizziness when I walk.
10:52 pm
Feeling rather intoxicated now. Slight tunnel vision and a general ‘feeling’ of intoxication. Shit, my whole scalp itches and it didn’t go away when I scratched it. Trip coming on now. I keep on scratching my whole scalp but it’s STILL so damn itchy. Is this is dreaded Robo Itch? Nevermind. Nevermind. Don’t let that spoil your trip. It’s damn itchy though. Needs two hands to scratch to fulfill the itch. Best to leave it alone? My head is damn itchy and painful. Calm down. I’ve been scratching my head for several minutes now and it’s still itchy and painful. I promise to leave it alone now. I’m listening to Cradle of Filth now and it sounds good. Mellow and peaceful, but my head itches so much. Damn. The itchy scalp itch has now spread to my forehead. Fuck.
11:02 pm
I’m STILL scratching my scalp and forehead and some parts are starting to hurt. And now the itch has spread to my eyelids. Damn. I’ve found its nicer and not so tough on the skin to put my hands under my shirt and use my shirt to rub my forehead. I’m starting to sweat a lot too. Naughty. I’m getting a lot of the side effects of the trip. Urm…my neck itches now.
11:18 pm
The itch has spread to my chest. Calling it an itch is too subtle as it hurts now. Going to the mirror to see if I’ve scratched myself raw. It doesn’t look red at all but it hurts. After washing my face, even the underside of my eyes itch. It didn’t before. :( Feeling slightly intoxicated now, but still coherent and able to communicate. I hate the itch.
11:31 pm
Still can’t stop scratching myself. Scratch scratch scratch. It’s a compulsion. My whole body itches…neck…shoulders…back.
11:41 pm
Scratch scratch scratch
11.45 pm
The itch has spread to my lower belly and upper thighs. Good thing it bypassed my crotch. I wouldn’t want to scratch that raw. Heh. I’m feeling a heaviness in my brain, as if all my blood has concentrated there.
11:58 pm
Still itchy but it’s subsiding. Feels good to scratch anyway. If it’s not on the head that is. Scratching the head hurts. Whoa…swinging my head from left to right a couple of times made me dizzy. :) I remember once when I had a slightly bad trip on LSD. I went to a rave with a couple of friends and got home at around 6 am after getting some McDonald’s. I haven’t eaten it yet, it was still with me, and I looked in the mirror and my eyes scared me. Heh. But then I ate my stuff while still tripping took a shower and tried to go to sleep. While looking at my ribcage, I realized that one side is much higher than the other side. I totally freaked out for no good reason and tried pressing one side down. I was frantic when it wouldn’t go down and kept punching it to make it go down and make both sides symmetrical. I was almost starting a panic attack when I calmed myself down and told myself it was probably just the acid that made one side look higher than the other. After telling myself that a couple of times, I calmed down somewhat, but it still looked disturbing to me. I don’t know why I was so freaked out by that, it’s actually no big deal but while on acid, it seemed a pretty big deal for some reason. Ah…the wonders of psychedelics.
12:07 am
I looked in the mirror just now and saw the stuff I wrote on my hand and laughed. I don’t like the way I laugh. Fucking annoying. I don’t think I laugh like this normally. The way my mouth contorts when I laugh just now is really very annoying and makes me want to punch myself. I think it’s because I don’t like someone with the same smile and it irks me that I’m smiling that same smile now. Shit. That sucks. I have an ugly smile. I don’t like the way I look in the mirror when I smile. But that could be because I’m forcing myself to smile in a shitty way.
12:27 am
I realize that I’ve been inadvertently gritting my teeth like I usually do when I’m on speed. Oh well, at least I’m not grinding it. Hey, I can correct my own grammar. J
12:40 am
It’s 12:40 now and still no hallucinations. L There is a pretty heavy stoning effect but that wasn’t what I was after. I prefer intellectual highs. The itch still hasn’t gone away but it’s pleasant now. Nice to scratch the itch.
1:03 am
I’ve been to the mirror in the toilet and checked out my body. A lot of marks from scratching but nothing permanent. Slight visual artifacts but nothing much more than that. Feeling a bit drunk though, as if I’ve consumed alcohol. Is this all to DXM? I’m very disappointed if it is. Perhaps I should have taken it on an empty stomach.
1:15 am
Was amusing myself by taking photos of myself. I found out that I can take numerous photos of myself with the same facial expression and pose. Heh.
1:18 am
Feeling rather euphoric now. All is good, but I wanted to have a psychedelic experience as opposed to a euphoric one. Does DXM and caffeiene bind to non-competitive receptors in the brain? Or, *gasp* are they competitive receptor binders and so that’s why I’m not feeling the typical 3rd plateau experience?
1:28 am
Okay, my trip is ending. I knew I should not have eaten just now.
3:02 am
I’m pretty much sober now. The trip wasn’t very exciting and I had expected much more. There was very mild closed eye visuals and hallucinations but not full blown ones typical with acid trips. DXM definitely is psychoactive and I felt rather stoned in the early and middle parts of the trip but there wasn't much psychedelic activity. I also felt mentally euphoric but without the 'energy' of speed towards the end of the trip. Was that from the caffeine or DXM? Also, I’m feeling slightly queasy from the Robitussin and rather hungry as well. Perhaps I’ve expected too much from this trip or I just ate too much, because my experience wasn’t really interesting at all. I got the dreaded Robo Itch really bad though. By my body weight, the dosage I gave myself should put me into the 3rd plateau but it did not. I was rather out of it during the trip but could still move about. My experience did not fit into any of the plateaus documented in the FAQ. I might try DXM again but I’ll double the dosage and do it on an empty stomach to see if I can get into the 4th plateau or I’m one of those people who just doesn’t get much from DXM. I’m rather bummed though…I killed all those brain cells and risked Olney’s Lesions for nothing. I could have gotten the same buzz from alcohol. Tsk tsk…and I was looking forward to an intellectual psychedelic experience.

Thursday, December 22, 2005


I don't have any real friends. It goes without saying that my lifestyle doesn't allow real bonding to happen due to the nature of the scene I'm in. My work doesn't help either, I'm either too tired to go out with friends or too tired to even answer my calls. I have (er...had) some great friends, but I don't bother to keep in touch. That's entirely my fault now I live in a world with a lot of acquaintances and party friends, but not what people would consider "real" friends.
My high school teacher told me once that I have this shield or cage around me that blocks people from getting to close to me. She reckons that it's coz I'm afraid of getting hurt. I just shut people out. I think she's right. I've let someone in before, and I got hurt.
It's like the saying goes...


Wednesday, December 21, 2005

My family dinner

This is my sister and my brother in-law but sad to say they are not close to me . A thing that lead me to take Drugs???

This is my family I am very stress now because of some problems I would not want to say. Anyway I am in some kind of trouble now. (drug related)

The Graduation

I may look happy but can`t you see the sadness through my eyes? Me I am the stupid one.

This is my sister`s Graduation and it took place in Mandarin Singapore Hotel . She got a Bsc of Science in Hotel and Tourism Management. 0n 27sept

I am Depress

These are my sisters form (L) Eugenia and Eunice. They have a degree in I don't know what…… Me ???????I am just stupid.

In the begining

Hi this is me and I am starting this blog aboult the dangers of Drugs. This is how I look without Drugs.